Haunted Encounters: Slap In The Face.

That's right. You heard it here first. Haunted Encounters are a bunch of  paranormal posers.

The "group", "The Paranormal Syndicate",  were contestants on Travel Channel's "Paranormal Challenge" with "Ghost Adventures" Zak Bagans. They went through "investigating" their location, while one of them challenged an entity to "grab my ass". Now with Biography Channel in trying to pump up their "paranormal lineup", came out with "Haunted Encounters Face to Face". No, should be more like "Slap In The Face". 

Daniel Hooven, Helmey Kramer, Jordan Murphy, Chelsea Damali (Faust), and a lovable Yellow Labrador Retriever, "The Captain", supposedly investigate "haunted" locations. The first episode featured them "investigating" the Lizzie Borden Axe Murder House in Fall River, Massachusetts.  Now all of the ghost shows have "investigated" the Borden House, so it's already old hat. But if they were true "paranormal investigators", and were honest, they would admit that car traffic from outside the house can be picked up inside. All of the canned, piss poor acting by making faces, yelling out "what was that?", and other useless canned shit is just lame. Then investigating "alone" by calling it "quarantine" to "capture" EVPs. During this session, they call it a "Pandora" session. Oooh, a "Ghost Adventures" moment. Wow, how original. Take an Olympus digital voice recorder like Zak Bagans uses, and claim it's your own. Didn't they ever learn from Paranormal Investigating 101? You never whisper during an EVP session, since it can be mistaken as a false positive? I mean, what the fuck were they thinking.... Dumbasses..... Wow..... And the recreation of the Borden murder in a "Ripple Through Time" event. That was done on "Paranormal State" by John Sabol, "The Ghost Excavator" in the Tillie Pierce House episode in Gettysburg. So when you copy something, keep it correct.

The next scenario in Episode One was the Silent Movie Theatre in Los Angeles. It surrounds two deaths there. One with the original owner who died of natural causes, and the second by the owner who was killed by the murder for hire of the projectionist who was to inherit the theatre. This brings the puppy out to bark. Helmey Kramer claims that Captain was trained to "search out EMFs". Well, the same thing can be done with a Tri Field EMF meter. But I digress. If you have been to the Silent Movie Theatre, it is a dingy, old cramped theatre that is juxtaposed with worn seats, and leather sofas. The carpeting is worn, and stained. If the second owner was murdered near the snack bar, the blood would have been cleaned up 21 years ago, and the carpeting replaced. But it is so dingy from high foot traffic, spilled drinks and snacks, that if they say blood often reappears there, you wouldn't know it. And we have to love yet another appearance by "My Ghost Story" star Erik Vanlier. Nice to see he is still the Los Angeles story telling business.

These guys are piss poor actors. Have we said that already? Jordan acting "scared" when she is alone, or doing EVPs. Wow. But these posers have been shopping their wares around. Just like the cast of "Paranormal State", (which all of them were drama majors), these posers have been making their rounds at small conventions, and have been on Internet radio shows.

 The combination of  "Ghost Hunters", "Ghost Adventures", "Ghost Lab", "Paranormal State", "Most Haunted", "Haunted Collector", "Paranormal Cops", "Dead Files", "Haunting Evidence", "Fear", "Haunted Homes", "Derek Accorah's Ghost Towns", and various other been there, done that programs, "Haunted Encounters: Face To Face" is just another time filler. So bring your NoDoz, drink high octane coffee, and toothpicks for this snoozefest of a "show". You can read their lips, with the annoying bleeps saying, "what the fuck was that", or "holy fuck". Please, spare us the two bit acting. By the by, Chelsea is as clairvoyant as an empty water bucket. Really?

But for this report on these posers, this is the cleanest thing we can say. They pulled about 90,000 viewers in the 18 to 49 demographic. We at EPP predicts (using our ECP - extra cynical perception), and predict this will a one year flop like "Paranormal Cops" was. The piss poor interaction amongst each other, the fake scared pose, and the annoying camera work, will spell doom for this paranormal turd. Stick a fork in them. They are charcoal. They bring nothing new to "investigating". Same old locations, same old tricks, same old stories, and same old bullshit.They did something like this is the late 1960's ghost show with a dog, it was called "Scooby Doo, Where Are You?" and in 1973 with "Goober and the Ghostchasers". Wow, how original. Paranormal posing plagiarists.......

Bye Bye Bio's Biotch! You are a used condom. Now get the fuck out of here.